Archive for June, 2010

A double dip

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

When I talk to people all day long at the shop, the stories I should have put in the blog today at 7 in the morning resurface. And, here I am, on my 11th hour of work in the beloved bicycle industry. “Another Fine Navy Day Indeed!”. Thats what I used to say on the rez.
So let me give you this resume from another person who knows that Hollywood is the only place that you’ll hear OWE-600 hrs (really, its Zero 600 hrs).
Resume Time
An employment recruiter (“headhunter”) inadvertently sent a letter to an A-10 pilot requesting his resume. His actual
reply follows the request:
Dear Sir:
I am a recruiter in Dallas that specializes in placing students from key colleges in the positions they desire to be
in with my clients across the nation. I work with companies of all sizes and industries. I received your name from
several other members of the “Association of Former Students” here at Texas A&M University that I am currently
working with. Feel comfortable that your information is confidential with my company. I would like to discuss
whether you are currently in the market or even keeping your eyes open for the right opportunity. I would like to see
a current copy of your resume to see what opportunities that you may be perfect for. Please send your resume via e-
mail or fax to my attention, and I will follow up with you in the next few days to determine your level of interest.
I thank you in advance for your response. Please e-mail me back at <******" , or call me direct
at (800)880-xxxxx Extension ##xxx.
Aaron McCartney
Senior Recruiting Consultant Odell & Associates
Dear Mr. McCartney:
This is in response to the email you sent me regarding your services as recruiter. Currently I am employed as a US
Air Force Fighter Pilot flying A-10 Thunderbolts for the 25TH Fighter Squadron, Osan AB, Republic of Korea.
My contract with the USAF does not expire until 2006. Here are some of my qualifications nonetheless, just in case
any of your clients are need of someone with my expertise:
1. The ability to employ my aircraft, the feared A-10 Warthog, as one of the most capable ground attack/CAS
platforms in the world.
2. Protect South Korea from communist hordes led by the Great Pornographer, Kim Jung Ill.
3. Drop cluster munitions from 10,000 feet onto unsuspecting DANKS (dumb ass north Koreans) and send 202
individual bomblets of wrath and fury into their starving, bloated, pink bodies.
4. Take a 6000 foot slant range Forced-No-Solution High-angle gun shot and kill troops in their wimpy little APC's
with reckless abandon. (Do you have any idea, Mr. McCartney, what a 30mm Armor Piercing Incendiary round
that is as long as your forearm does as it boars through a tank's walls like Jell-O? Let me tell you, it's not pretty.)
5. Get wicked-ass-drunk at the Officer's club on Friday nights, smokin' big fat Cuban cigars (this is Korea, not the
US), drink Gin and Tonics like water, throw furniture off the roof, say 'f*ck' a lot, and piss off all the wives and
hapless souls who hate our guts because they are not fighter pilots.
Mr. McCartney, I have no idea how to "hold a meeting," "do a memo," "take a lunch," "think outside the box" or
even sit behind a desk for that matter. I only eat, sleep, fly, and drink. I am an instrument of national policy the likes
of which your clients probably have never seen. I would just as soon detonate a 500 pound Mark 82 Air Burst 20
feet above a DANK playground than wander through some corporate office blabbering about business plans and the
latest episode of Ally "eat a friggin sandwich" McBeal.
Thank you for your letter and please let me know if any of your associates show interest in my capabilities. I look
forward to hearing from you.
That is a man after my own heart.
And speaking of my heart, I won a race on Sunday. I forgot to tell you all. The Bon Scot Memorial Whiskey Bar Time Trial. I went from the house to the shop with the god-damn-fucking-god-damn BOB trailer in a 20mph headwind, picked up the bar from the office and rode home with the spinnaker out in 38 minutes. I was shaking when I opened the garage only words were "I did it".
I hope that my old Madison Sprint Partner Mike from SD sees this. Where was our beer when we won the tues night Madisons?

And just in case you didn’t know what “DUI Bars” were, they are shown here.

I”d also like to show off Bens sweet 5 spot.

And show you what AZ state champ Jake has on his fridge.

Thats the kind of stuff that you need to be a champion.
My Fridge?

Yeah, its pretty tough looking. I have magnoclips that pharmaceutical reps give me, pictures of me and best bud JP from when we were 18…..just because…..well, they’ve always been on my fridge. Wedding picture, bike event that has already happened, curious george getting fucked up. A Utah magnet with a little thermometer. I’m pretty much a pussy.

Muchas Cosas

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

“many things”.
The weather is nice and the deer valley concerts have taken hold on wednesday nights…
The Dharma Wheels Crew brings the neccessary supplies….

And then shows the crowd how to use them.

In enjoyable news, our friends at Ibis came by to do a demo.

After a beautiful afternoon of downhilling and drinking High West Distillery Whiskey, we adjourned to the No Name for sustenance…..where I gave my best Hurl impression

I think the crowd was entertained…

Good times. Thanks to Stevil for the AHTBM kit, which suspiciously arrived the same day as my handlebar must stash…..serial number #69. Thats so cute.

As with all things from pentabike, there may be ‘enhancements’ or modifications needed to ensure success

Alright, after all those booze and pot jokes, in sad news Dave Blumenthal was creamed by a truck last week and expired from his injuries. Dave was one of those great adventure guys…and seemed to fit it all in between family/work/school/etc. I can barely handle my little bike shop without pulling out my hair. Read about Dave here.
And lastly, to pick your spirits back up, Eben has sent me the cat bike…

Our small black cat, Blackie approves….from the tall grass by the pumptrack.

Strikes and Gutterballs.

Saturday, June 26th, 2010

First, the not so good news…..
92 year old Park City icon, Mel Fletcher has merged with the universe. Mel loved this town and was a really nice fella. We talked about skiing, and the simple life. Mel actually went to elementary school in Old Town (Washington School Inn was the old school house). He was also a volunteer fireman for almost 60 years. Here is a picture from Mel’s 90th birthday.
Via con Dios Comandante

In super depressing hang myself from the rafters news, the Schultz fire is happening in Flagstaff. This is what it looks like from town, since it is only 5 miles away….

The San Fransisco Mountains are a sacred place for me and other “peoples’, and their destruction by a careless campfire is super depressing. Flatstaff as a town is maybe the first place, and one of the few places outside of Park City where I feel completely at home on all levels.
Here is a quote from the Honorable Jon Kircher…
“I can’t look at that without getting a lump in my throat. I know just what I’m looking at. I’ve got a lot of memories from time well spent up on those hills. Pretty much everything that looks green in that photo is no more. Jesus. What a mess. One campfire. That’s all it took.

It may be time to disconnect the camping experience from the requirement of burning things. It may be time to ban the campfire. Outright. Full stop. There are parts of this state that have been recovering for years, years, from one campfire left burning unattended. The experience of hundreds of other citizens is diminished in trade for one group’s need to burn things.

You don’t need a campfire. You can cook without it. You don’t need a campfire. You will be warm without it.

Having a campfire is not a right. It is a privilege. A campfire is a responsibility. A campfire is a choice.

And the state should rescind that privilege. It has gone too far. Public policy demands we take appropriate steps to preserve the forest so all can benefit from it’s continued existence – never mind the threat to home and personal property. If this is the cost that we all must bare so a group of campers can burn things, I say that cost is too high. Full fire restrictions, across the board.”

And, in happier news, TimAZ killed it for us this past tuesday.

One of our favorite team people, Mr. Guy has upgraded his more than 10 year old Moots YBB to the Rockshox Revalation world. Wanna know what 3 Moots in a truck looks like?

Damn, thats hotter than walking in on 3 coked up strippers in your bedroom.

And in final, super inspiring news….just in case you thought skaters/dhers/etc were all fucking assholes. Check out this video.
In case you are dull, check out Og’s style. He’s got it. And check out the love that he has for his friends and his friends have for him. You should do that….or at least fake it.

And ‘they’ said it would never happen.

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

Many things to write about while the morning sun is low in the sky at the cool and quiet shop this morning.
First, some funny quotes from the office/shop.

1. A customer buying a custom bike “Is that your emergency cigarette there on your monitor”
2. An adolescent person in the dental chair “What is your IQ”
“149 – ironically, the same as Jim Morrison”
“Who is Jim Morrison…and what does ironically mean?”
3. “I haven’t had a tune up in 4 years and I ride 25-35 miles a day…what do you charge for a basic tune up”
4. “I don’t want to be a pain in the ass customer Jon”
“Oh, your not being a pain in the ass…I’d tell ya. Your not even IN the pain in the ass ballpark”.
5. What does AYHSMB mean?
All You Haters Suck My Ballz.

And with that, big thanks to the orig. Big Jonny K and to Chris H for both sending me this.

Big thanks to David for this.

Isn’t this cool?

In impressive racing news. Floyd Landis bought a jersey off a shop floor, showed up to race his bike, and took fourth in the tour de Nez.

edging out our very own Burke Swindlehurst, who claimed 5th. Top shelf Gentlemen!

In fun news, BSNYC was on the left coast doing whatever Eben does. One thing is for sure, wherever he goes, the powers that be pull out all the stops.

I’m excited to visit Portland this fall. I actually feel smarter, more handsome, and fashionable just saying that word….Portland.

In late news that you’ve already heard about, the DirtBurger happened……obviously.

Fucking Nick Sande showed up….

Check out the Flying Monkey

And finally in low places cycling news, our friends Papa Joe and the Complayna have tied the knot.
The usuals were there, like Fucking Gene UberThriller and Simon

Who was working on my new SPD compatible Chuck Taylor Ghetto Style Rapid Lace System

Simon also orchestrated the “repair” of the ShitBike so that it could be part of the ceremony.

Then, of course, Generation Oberpriller takes it off the dock.

I mean, what do you expect from these people?

Stay classy you guys….

Turner Demo Today 4-7 Glenwild

Friday, June 18th, 2010

Yes, turner demo today 4-7pm. Glenwild trailhead.
Be there and ride a real bike.

We drink more before 9am than most people drink all day

Wednesday, June 16th, 2010

Mrs. Dr. Evil made that one up. Its 6:30…..I’m at the shop. Its time to rock and roll.

That should make you want to go to church midweek.

Hey, a big thank you to our family and friends in MI/IL/IN for a truly wonderful weekend trip. I know that many of you can’t sleep at night unless you know how it went down…so here it is…
Most of you know that MRS.D.E. and I take our travel bikes pretty much everywhere. Sometimes I get a little flack for this….but when people see us zipping around the city, they become our slaves.

Chicago is a good town for Bicycles. They have wide bike lanes on many streets, and the drivers are sharp – usually keeping an eye out for you.
On Friday, we had the pleasure of attending the Blackhawks Stanley Cup celebration party.

All the superstars attended, including this guy, with the mullet, on the “miami vice” boat.

From the mirth and merriment, we strolled by our favorite bar, Pippins, which of course was packed to the gills at lunch time on friday with men and ladies in hardhats, carharts and workboots. Pippins is smaller than my bike shops sales floor – but it is great. Their “menu” is the downtown dogs menu from next door. You order it up, they bring it to you and tack it on your bar tab. God bless the midwest.

Since we couldn’t find seats for 6, we adjourned to another establishment to eat lunch.

On Saturday, we drove to Indiana for a wedding. It was great. Great food and entertainment, wonderful location and some of our best friends.

So, back to Chicago in the morning. First stop, Pippins, where a fella was already there working on his 12th drink at 11:30 am, playing styx, foreginer and damn yankees on the jukebox.

So where do you ride in chicago? Lakeshore drive trail. Its great. You see everything from skinsuits to schwinn varsities.

On Monday, MRS.D.E. and I went to the field museum…because we like science, natural history and anthropology.

I was impressed by the ‘depth’ of their collection.

And how some things never change…

Like the Mayor of Verde (AZ)

The people at the museum also explained to me how I was wasting my life away working 60 hr weeks.

They did have Flourite, which is not in toothpaste (that would be sodium flouride)

and a sweet pinecone from UT.

Last but not least, I’d like to thank 650 Bochnowski for his excellent recommendation of the Four Farthings bar….our second favorite bar in Chicago. Excellent service, excellent food, and demons at the bar just like the No Name.

And that was that….I’m sure my hardworking staff had everything under control at the shop while I was away…

This post brought to you by more technology

Sunday, June 6th, 2010

Its true. We’ve got some new pieces of equipment down here at Dharma HQ. A new internet system (for those of you who thought I was a rich dentist and bike shop owner, I”ve been using an aircard for internet for the house for the past 5 years). Its fancy. It lets me upload pictures of the shop fast.

Gotta love those sunny days.
Speaking of sunny days, Gay Pride day is today in SLC. You don’t have to be gay to attend. There is a super cool parade, lots of beer gardens, chances to support wonderful organizations like the Utah Aids Coalition and the Ryan White Foundation, two organizations I became involved with during my time as a resident at the hospital…..a thousand years ago. I myself will be riding.
A great saying from 650B(ochnowski): There are always, at any given time, ten things that I should have done/be doing…..RIGHT NOW.
Tim, I couldn’t agree more.
I don’t know if I’ve shown you all pictures of our tandem.

It is, of course, important to wear matching jerseys.
I’d like to say that for the first time in a very long time, we had a frame displayed in the dental office. I think you’ll understand why…

And last but not least, I’d like to give a super high five to our friends at Efficient Velo Tools. Brett and the crew make the finest bike tools in the world. This custom hanger straightener was made for me and it is completely the most accurate straightener I have ever used. Seriously, thanks a million. We’ll see you guys when we’re in Portland later this summer.

And yes, when your the best mechanic in town, you get custom made tools with your name and shop engraved on it.
Oh, and just after I posted it, Steve reminded me (jesus fucking christ, are you actually waiting for my post you fucking wierdo?). SSCXWC’s have dates. ChrisP and I will be there 100% sure.

And right after I posted the update with the unicorn and the….other….thing…..steve simply emailed back and said……..yes.
And for you local people who wanna, I’ll prolly be at the skid row/bridge trail head at 9am doing prospector backwards….to solamere to pipeline to villiage to snow top to “two fingers” (dos dedos) to lost prospector to the No Name.

I think summer is finally here…

Saturday, June 5th, 2010

which is nice because I really need to ride more.

Team Update. Team ride, Sunday, 10am, Ice Rink parking lot of Round Valley. I”ll try to get the entire website updated today.

Summer is here. This is the first time in a long time the heat didn’t kick on overnight. The Sons of Lee Marvin had a jam session yesterday, and then Pat and D-Ro had a gig at 350 Main. Stellar performance gentlemen. The world is in order.

Except that I have to go to work in an hour or so.

Speaking of work, BRose sent me this from his shop…

so I sent him this…

which I turned into this…

I’d actually like to thank the people at Jamis bicycles for selling my shop, a non dealer, the fucking parts to fix this linkage. And just to show you what kind of shop I am, I paid a full retail price and shipping for these parts and didn’t mark up the price to the customer at all.
Maybe I’ll go to heaven.

I’d be satisfied with being able to do a double gap 360

Albe’s Zack Gerber Edit from Albe's BMX on Vimeo.

A Monday post…on wed.

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010

Due to technical difficulties…and laziness, this is the start of the post from Mon.
Happy Memorial Day.
Remember those in the military service. Including the public health service…bitches. With
The USPS is a finely oiled machine….like SBS’s wheelbuilding machine.

Today’s post is brought to you from Dharma HQ, because we can’t get our new, fancy router to work. The road to progress is the path of fools.

And speaking of fools, here is a super old “ad” from my friend “Hurl”.